Strengths & Advantages of being an Aspie!

Asperger’s Syndrome is NOT all about dysfunction and disability etc. There are many good points and advantages to being an Aspie. Here’s a refreshingly different perspective from the medical profession,  by Dr Tony Attwood

From my clinical experience I consider that children and adults with Aspergers Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking.

The person usually has a strong desire to seek knowledge, truth and perfection with a different set of priorities than would be expected with other people. There is also a different perception of situations and sensory experiences. The overriding priority may be to solve a problem rather than satisfy the social or emotional needs of others.

The person values being creative rather than co-operative.

The person with Aspergers syndrome may perceive errors that are not apparent to others, giving considerable attention to detail, rather than noticing the “big picture”.

The person is usually renowned for being direct, speaking their mind and being honest and determined and having a strong sense of social justice.

The person may actively seek and enjoy solitude, be a loyal friend and have a distinct sense of humour.

However, the person with Aspergers Syndrome can have difficulty with the management and expression of emotions.

Children and adults with Aspergers syndrome may have levels of anxiety, sadness or anger that indicate a secondary mood disorder. There may also be problems expressing the degree of love and affection expected by others. Fortunately, we now have successful psychological treatment programs to help manage and express emotions.

Tony Attwood

The following excerpt from a paper by  Attwood & Gray called, The Discovery of “Aspie” Criteria,  further details the strengths of being an “Aspie”…

If Asperger’s Syndrome was identified by observation of strengths and talents, it would no longer be in the DSM IV, nor would it be referred to as a syndrome. After all, a reference to someone with special strengths or talents does not use terms with negative connotations (it’s artist and poet, not Artistically Arrogant or Poetically Preoccupied), nor does it attach someone’s proper name to the word syndrome (it’s vocalist or soloist, not Sinatra’s Syndrome). Focusing on strengths requires shedding the former diagnostic term, Asperger’s Syndrome, for a new term. The authors feel that Aspie, used in self-reference by Liane Holliday Wiley in her new book, Pretending to be Normal (1999), is a term that seems right at home among it’s talent-based counterparts: soloist, genius, aspie, dancer. With fading DSM potential, the authors submit a description of “aspie” for placement in a much needed but currently non-existent Manual of Discoveries About People (MDP I) (Figure 1).

New ways of thinking often lead to discoveries that consequently discard their outdated predecessors. Similarly, the change from Asperger’s Syndrome to aspie holds interesting implications and opportunities. It could result in typical people rethinking their responses and rescuing a missed opportunity to take advantage of the contribution of aspies to culture and knowledge.

Discovery Criteria for Aspie…

A. A qualitative advantage in social interaction, as manifested by a majority of the following:

1. peer relationships characterized by absolute loyalty and impeccable dependability
2. free of sexist, “age-ist”, or culturalist biases; ability to regard others at “face value”
3. speaking one’s mind irrespective of social context or adherence to personal beliefs
4. ability to pursue personal theory or perspective despite conflicting evidence
5. seeking an audience or friends capable of: enthusiasm for unique interests and topics;
6. consideration of details; spending time discussing a topic that may not be of primary interest
7. listening without continual judgement or assumption
8. interested primarily in significant contributions to conversation; preferring to avoid ‘ritualistic small talk’ or socially trivial statements and superficial conversation.
9. seeking sincere, positive, genuine friends with an unassuming sense of humour

B. Fluent in “Aspergerese”, a social language characterized by at least three of the following:

1. a determination to seek the truth
2. conversation free of hidden meaning or agenda
3. advanced vocabulary and interest in words
4. fascination with word-based humour, such as puns
5. advanced use of pictorial metaphor

C. Cognitive skills characterized by at least four of the following:

1. strong preference for detail over gestalt
2. original, often unique perspective in problem solving
3. exceptional memory and/or recall of details often forgotten or disregarded by others, for example: names, dates, schedules, routines
4. avid perseverance in gathering and cataloguing information on a topic of interest
5. persistence of thought
6. encyclopaedic or ‘CD ROM’ knowledge of one or more topics
7. knowledge of routines and a focused desire to maintain order and accuracy
8. clarity of values/decision making unaltered by political or financial factors

D. Additional possible features:

1. acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, for example: hearing, touch, vision, and/or smell
2. strength in individual sports and games, particularly those involving endurance or visual accuracy, including rowing, swimming, bowling, chess
3. “social unsung hero” with trusting optimism: frequent victim of social weaknesses of others, while steadfast in the belief of the possibility of genuine friendship
4. increased probability over general population of attending university after high school
5. often take care of others outside the range of typical development

108 thoughts on “Strengths & Advantages of being an Aspie!

  1. I love this perspective! I suspect that my exboyfriend is an aspie and when I researched it, I was disappointed to see it viewed so negatively. There are many remarkable characteristics of aspies.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ASPIS are on the wrong planet spoc was an aspi and he was a dancer that could not dance you may have wanted him to be captain kurk buts he s if it wasn’t for spoc the enterprize would crash and burn

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for commenting. 🙂 It would be nice if many more people could view aspies this way as well and see all the good things instead of only focusing on what they see as deficits, and to also realise that aspies don’t necessarily see themselves as disabled, defective or “wrong”.

    Diversity is a good thing, and people should be more accepting of it, but as with anything I guess it takes more time for some than others to adjust to new ways of thinking and for these changes to filter through the medical profession and the general populace.

    Cheers,
    Jenny

    Like

    1. What a delight to see the glass half full instead of half empty..
      I was researching to see if my daughter in law was aspie, and was so sick of the nagitives that I decided to look for the positive, and found this site, so thank you for that.. I desperately want her to see if perhaps this might be here so as she can understand herself and we can understand her.. so thanks so much for this. I am printing it out so as to show a couple of aspies who are teachers with my husband..

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Go raibh mile maith agat, Jenny, thank you so much! I think that this is a brilliant website that shows the positive sides of being an Asperger’s person. I’m really pleased to have come across your site, and delighted to find someone that sees AS as more ‘a difference’ rather than a disability. Too many people focus on the negative side of being AS, and there is an awful lot of public ignorance about the condition. I am a poet and a writer and was finally diagnosed with AS in November last year. Neurodiversity brings so much to the world that people do not see or appreciate. I think that societies in developed countries are by and large at least 20 years behind in their understanding of neurodiversity compared with sexual and gender diversity.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Carla wrote “I was disappointed to see it viewed so negatively”. Maybe the viewers have been fed up by the Aspie way of cooperation or communication?

    Some years ago I met a man I suspect is an aspie. I was fascinated and mesmerized. As he and his troubleshooter karma and professional skills saved me from really messing up my own job, he’s still my Big Hero. On the other hand, his social skills and lack of interest in anything but professional topics puzzled me and, well…..(long and sad story – PERIOD).
    Anyway, after a long time, I eventually found out about AS and after that, I’ve read whatever I could find! I’m still fascinated, I love the results of the aspie strength – it’s just for me to learn how to communicate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Elisabeth, I enjoyed your hero story. I am “Asperger similar” in all of the attributes listed in these and other forums. I have always valued myself highly even when others have not, which is most of the time. My values are intellectual problem solving ones, theirs are social. Occasionally a very clever person or two would comment on how amazingly brilliant I was. But to many others I was puzzling, vexing and thus nixed. When I was three I remember talking about ontology and the concept of god with a teacher at kindergarten. She was in a Piaget study class and was astonished that I had missed a few seriations. she made sure I realized my differences to the other kids in the sandpit, by celebrating my gift with many kind words. I taught myself social skills, very well it seems, but I lack stamina. It is an act. At the third act it is only 2 pm and I have 3 hours left in the office. I get myself into trouble if I interact all day. So I chose a job with an office door and a computer. Iphone App developer. I have learned over the years to keep my mouth shut as a means of avoiding the house of cards. By that I mean I can build relationships, however I am aware that I can quite easily blow them over in a sentence. So I avoid them. Sounds like your friend. Remember that almost everything in life has an up side, you just have to play to your strengths.

      Think positive. This lot are suspected to have Asperger relationals and without them the world would be a lesser place.

      Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician
      Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer
      Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist
      Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone
      Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer
      Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer
      Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US politician/writer
      Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician
      Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion
      Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst
      Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer
      Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet
      Erik Satie, 1866-1925 – Composer
      Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer
      Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher
      George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist
      George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician
      Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer
      Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress
      H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer
      Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water
      Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist
      Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer
      Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist
      Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice
      Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog
      Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria
      Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher
      Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer
      Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist
      Michelangelo, 1475 1564 – Italian Renaissance artist
      Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors
      Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist
      Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer
      Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion
      Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor
      Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician
      Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter
      Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer
      Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter
      Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, 1756-1791, Austrian composer
      Historical people
      Alfred Hitchcock, 1899-1980, English/American film director
      Andy Kaufman, 1949-1984, US comedian, subject of the film Man on the Moon
      Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, US artist.
      Charles Schulz, 1922-2000, US cartoonist and creator of Peanuts and Charlie Brown
      Glenn Gould, 1932-1982, Canadian pianist
      Hans Asperger, 1906-1980, Austrian children’s doctor after whom Asperger’s Syndrom is named
      Howard Hughes, 1905-1976, US billionaire
      Isaac Asimov, 1920-1992, Russian/US writer on science and of science fiction, author of Bicentennial Man
      Jim Henson, 1936-1990, creator of the Muppets, US puppeteer, writer, producer, director, composer
      John Denver, 1943-1997, US musician
      L S Lowry, 1887-1976, English painter of “matchstick men”
      Contemporary People
      Al Gore, 1948-, former US Vice President and presidential candidate
      Bill Gates, 1955-, Entrepreneur and philanthropist. A key player in the personal computer revolution.
      Bob Dylan, 1941-, US singer-songwriter
      Charles Dickinson, 1951, US Writer
      Crispin Glover, 1964-, US actor
      David Helfgott, 1947-, Australian pianist, subject of the film Shine
      Garrison Keillor, 1942-, US writer, humorist and host of Prairie Home Companion
      Genie, 1957-?, US “wild child” (see also L’Enfant Sauvage, Victor, )
      James Taylor, 1948-, US singer/songwriter
      Jamie Hyneman, 1956-, Co-host of Mythbusters
      Jeff Greenfield, 1943-, US political analyst/speechwriter, a political wonk
      John Motson, 1945-, English sports commentator
      John Nash, 1928-, US mathematician (portrayed by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, USA 2001)
      Joseph Erber, 1985-, young English composer/musician who has Asperger’s Syndrome, subject of a BBC TV documentary
      Kevin Mitnick, 1963-, US “hacker”
      Michael Palin, 1943-, English comedian and presenter
      Oliver Sacks, 1933-, UK/US neurologist, author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Awakenings
      Paul Kostabi 1962-, writer, comedian, artist, producer, technician
      Pip Brown “Ladyhawke”, 1979-, New Zealand Singer/Songwriter, Musician
      Robin Williams, 1951-2014, US Actor
      Seth Engstrom, 1987-, Magician and World Champion in Sleight of Hand. The best man with a deck of cards that the world has ever seen.
      Tony Benn, 1925-, English Labour politician

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glad to see this sight. I have just recently discovered that my 19 year old daughter may be an Aspie. She is the most brilliant and genuine and sweet girl. She has never had a close friend, but I have seen her try so hard. She desperately wants to have friends to run around with or someone to ask her on a date. It is heartbreaking for me as her mother but in all honesty she is doing great. I sometimes wonder if she even realizes that she is a little different. I love her so much and worry about her starting college this fall. If anyone has any pointers for me, I would surely appreciate it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I completely understand and sympathize with your concerns. I have a 13 yr old son that I also think is an Aspie. Until this last 2 yrs in school he always fit in quite well. But it seems that as his friends and peers get a little older they seem to notice he is a little different. He has been bullied and singled out the last few years. It breaks my heart! I just wish that I could get on a huge loud speaker and tell the whole world about all these kids that are on the spectrum. I think if somehow more people could try to understand what it means to be like him and so many others on the spectrum their lives would be so much easier and happy. He is super friendly and handsome and smart. I love him so much. I want to be able to fix everything for him but nothing I do seems to work. Kids at the middle school age can be so awful. With so many children being on the spectrum these days their really needs to be someone or something out there educating people about how to interact positively with them.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Elisabeth wrote, “Maybe the viewers have been fed up by the Aspie way of cooperation or communication?”

    If that’s the case “the viewers” may be suffering from Neurotypical Syndrome. 😉

    “Neurotypical Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder characterized by preoccupation with social concerns, delusions of superiority, and obsession with conformity.”

    You can find out more about this terrible affliction from the Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is such great and funny comment about neurotypicals. I really laughed at your comment. I don’t get why it has to be such an important thing to fit in and be a social butterfly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Cheryl 😀 I agree!
        (I’d love to claim the funny comment as my own but it’s actually a quote from the “Institute” in the link just below it.)

        Like

    2. Another hallmark of Neurotypical Syndrome is inferior rational abilities. Where Autistics will judge ideas based on how logical it is, Neurotypicals often judge ideas by whether the presenter of the idea greeted them, is liked by them, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks Liane! 😀 Your words have certainly made my day a better day too! I appreciate you leaving a comment on my humble little blog. 🙂

    Cheers,
    Jenny

    Like

  6. Wow! Good on you for this thoughtful and well researched review of the topic! I love the way you contribute to increasing compassion and understanding between people and I’m so glad I stopped by to educate myself a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 😀 Thank you Alison!

    BTW I assume you are referring to my article in the Axis Mundi that was linked to this page (and also appears here on my blog), and not this actual page which is obviously not my own work. 🙂

    Like

  8. More of what I already knew, but it warrants hearing again. Over and over. Thanks for posting.
    It IS a shame AS is viewed in such a negative light. Not only a shame, but lazy and irresponsible. Where’s the Aspie doctors? Do us Aspie lay-people have to do all the work?
    It’s easier for most, who tend to fear the unknown, to downgrade it into something they can assimilate. Many believe AS is a mental illness or form of mental retardation. This is so much easier to grasp and file than the truth. Especially for those that have watched us grow up and have years of annoyance for a foundation.
    Thanks again
    …v

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh my gosh this is amazing! I am 22 and just learned I have AS 2 years ago. It’s been a struggle trying to understand this and really dig deep into my personality to see how my mind really works. It was really hard at first until I found some other sites where people discuss it openly. Finding amazing articles like this help keep me grounded and always provide refreshing perspectives to what it’s like. As a fellow Aspie (love that term btw), it’s really hard to step out of your own frustrations and stress more on the perks of having unusual interests and habits. I’m starting to appreciate my quirky self and also learning to take more initiative with my personal goals and really trying to finish what I start, despite my very distracting interest-pursuing habits.

    If anything I’ve also found that writing a LOT is good to help materialize and organize thoughts which a lot of Aspies can’t do naturally (aka executive dysfunction). I struggle the most with planning and thinking in terms of consequences and physically writing my thoughts down helps me trace where my mind goes and I can actually start to organize my thoughts and gain control over my future in terms of school and working and whatnot. I recommend every Aspie try it for a week or so for 20 minutes a day. It made a world of difference, and it’s addicting!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hello 🙂
    I have suspected Asperger’s Syndrome (I am 22 and have never been dianosed, but have a life time of showing characteristics of an Aspie) I also am Pagan, and I really like this take on Asperger’s Syndrome, rather than the stigma that seems to surround it in other media forms.

    Thanks for the inspiration

    Blessed be
    xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hello, I am an Aspie. I liked reading this, because it is accurate and places a new “spin” on the way people like myself are perceived. All of these good things are true, but I would trade them all in a heartbeat just to be like everyone else. I’ve been isolated my whole life, and wish for nothing more than the end of it. I never asked for this, and I never asked to be born into a world revolving around lies. I wish I could sleep well, and I wish I could make friends, but everyone always leaves in the end. My loyalty is always rewarded with the same lies, the same hurt, and the same isolation. This world is so sick that it thinks the cure is poison, and I just don’t know what to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Paul, I’m glad you liked reading the article and I hope it might serve as inspiration for you to be proud of who you are and to focus on your strengths, rather than your perceived shortcomings. I asked one of my sons how he would reply to your comment (he’s the most Aspie of my boys and the first to be diagnosed) and he said, “Live on the internet and you’ll be happy (meaning you can avoid all the irritating people in your life, and you won’t have to keep ‘dumbing yourself down’ to fit in)”. I don’t know that it’s the most practical advice but there is an element of truth there, LOL. If you haven’t already done so I would recommend having a look at online support groups, such as the ones listed on Dr. Tony Attwood’s (the author of the above article) website in the “Support Groups” and “Links” sections of his website http://www.tonyattwood.com.au. That could eventually lead to meeting up with people in person. And if you are already part of such groups, maybe look at some different ones to find the acceptance you’re looking for. Be proud of who you are and surround yourself with people who will support you rather than criticize and bring you down, and maybe you’ll start to notice a change for the better. Just because you’re “different” in some ways doesn’t mean that you’re “wrong” and other people need to learn that from you. Try thinking of yourself as ‘topdog’ instead of ‘underdog’. 😉 I know all this is easier said than done, but I really don’t know what else to say, except that I sincerely wish you well.

      Like

    2. Hi, Paul. I’m also an Aspie. I go for acupuncture treatments, and it’s working. Why don’t you try acupuncture? Maybe it could help you a great deal. Stay cool 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Paul,
      J. Krishnamurti said “It is no sign of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
      I understand your suffering as I had similar experiences with the people I used to call my family. You must learn to understand people using the tools you have. Apply logic to humanity as a whole. Understand that their way of operating is a result of biological evolution. The social intrigue that they so effortlessly perpetrate against each other is something that occurs among many other species as soon as they have enough free time to make each other miserable. Perhaps this evolutionary baggage will not weigh so heavy on our species one day in the future, but for now this is the reality we all share. I strongly suggest reading Robert Sapolski’s work to try and understand man as animal.
      Once you understand man as it is, a self serving animal that largely operates from the unconscious mind based on it’s past experiences and beliefs around pleasure and pain, you can learn how to operate within their world. Another book called the 48 laws of power will give you an honest insight into how to move among them. Once you see them as they are you can begin to transcend your moral bias and needs for emotional dependency.
      You must learn to look inward for your direction. Find your passion, what you want to do and focus on that. Only worry about relating to other people as much as you need to in order to survive and to further your craft whatever that may be. The games of man are games of fools, do not get bogged down in them. Find your path that only you can walk and learn to walk it without doubt. You do not need to become more like them, you need to become less like them. Then you can be free.

      With respect and love,
      Your brother in truth..

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Hang on sweetheart. Find another Aspie like you. Aspies are valuable human beings. The person who wrote the code to get us to the moon and back is an Aspie.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. This is a very inspiring and positive perspective on aspies. My son has always been branded as an aspie in any school we take him to, but it is often regarded as something negative or that should be “cured”.

    As parents, we’ve accepted how my son is – and we offer no excuses because it is just the way he is and we love his uniqueness.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Do you watch the Good Wife? One character semms to have AS ( Kalinda ) AS and she’s taking a lot of shit from the other characters and also from her so called fans.
    After 38 years banginig my head against other’s ,
    I am personnally very tired and angry against neurotipycal fuckwittery euh… comunication.
    I did enjoy reading your posts.The fact is we, aspies, communicate, neurotipytwats MANIPULATE and do nothing but…

    Greetings from France

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it is people like you that give ‘aspies’ a bad name with wholly insulting comments and foul language aimed at people like me who devote our lives to including ‘aspies’ within mainstream education!!!! I get shouted at, sworn at, hit, pushed, and being an ‘aspie’ is always the excuse. Tell me very rude person, using your insulting rude language, are you using your condition as an excuse for being vile!!!!?????

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m 30 and have always known I was different. I used to tell people I’m the weirdest normal person they would ever meet. I had never heard of AS until a few weeks ago, and when I started reading about it, it’s like all the light bulbs in my head went off at the same time….and then it all made sense! I did great amounts of self-research about all the ASD’s to make sure I didn’t fall in somewhere else, and lo and behold, AS it is! And when I realized there are actually other people who know they are different too, it was a great relief. But I still fail to find why this is called a “syndrome”, in my mind normal people are the ones with the “syndrome”, there’s just more normal people so they have the majority I guess. I see it as a gift and nothing else. Others see it as a problem just because I don’t enjoy anything dealing with social interaction, and all the other little intricate “not normal” things about me. They feel sorry for me, but I could care less about social interaction, it does nothing for me, so why is it a problem? It’s fun for me to read about other people with AS and the way they think about things, it makes me feel even better that I can relate. I might start a blog of my own, sounds fun!!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I took had my son take his daughter/my grand daughter to the dr the day before she turned 3 she was instantly diagnosed as aspie. It took months for her mom to admit her aspie probability. I insist that those working with us refer to the childs super powers or kryptonite ae work thru or with her needs. My personal goal is to give her all the resources I can to be the best,appiest person she can be. Her pre-school didn’t want to allow for her sensory needs as it would make her feel different and I lost my cool…trust me at three she already knows she has special powers.new grounds I also believe she sees spirits, but I will have to continue to read her ques and figure it out. info is hard to find, and the aspie identification is so new I am in awe watching her every day and I know that no matter what I imagine she might discover or find a cure for, I am I’ll equipped to begin to know her super power capabilities.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I took had my son take his daughter/my grand daughter to the dr the day before she turned 3 she was instantly diagnosed as aspie. It took months for her mom to admit her aspie probability. I insist that those working with us refer to the childs super powers or kryptonite ae work thru or with her needs. My personal goal is to give her all the resources I can to be the best, happiest person she can be. Her pre-school didn’t want to allow for her sensory needs as it would make her feel different and I lost my cool…trust me at three she already knows she has special powers. The aspie identification is so new I am in awe watching her every day and I know that no matter what I imagine she might discover or find a cure for, I am I’ll equipped to begin to know her super power capabilities but look forward to learning. (my droidx texting is rough..i apologize for improper sentences.)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. i am aspie and i consider it to be an evolutionary leap…….except i hate my crummy social skills.
    good that i have a great NT wife to show me the way. i keep my aspie side hidden from public view .it works most of the time , but when really exhausted then i morph into a full blown aspie. i get an accent , find myself lipsmacking, my gait and hand posture become sterotyipical……
    and i can feel my tongue want to thrust…….yep fair amount of explaining to do ..sometimes.(.especially my aspie accent )….usually make something up as am in a profession where being an aspie is not accepted–yet. living 2 two lives does kind of suck and ya burn up lot of energy faking it in NT world.
    i long for the day when we will be accepted for WHO we are by NT world.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. i should also say ; when i first found out i had aspergers , i think i wept for at least 30 minutes.
    i was alone in the car driving home. i’m not sure why i cried so much, but i don’t think it was for joy , maybe it was all those years of loneliness expressing itself. since then i have learned alot about AS and now feel lots better about things.
    thank you for sight like this one .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. …and thank you for your appreciation of my site. It feels good to know I can help others, even if only in a very small way by having this website. 🙂

      Like

  19. Hi Jenny, I really appreciate this entry and your site. I’m dating an aspie. He is one of the most interesting, intelligent, quirky, honest, sensual, funny, self-aware and self-sufficient guys I’ve ever known. Like any relationship, not without challenges, but we communicate pretty well and directly. I work in international development and think of it a bit that way. I need to be conscious of a different way of thinking and moving in the world. And how to be respectful of that….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I am an aspie. Don’t know … but I certainly know I’m not ‘neurotypical’ anywh! I struggled to learn the whole interacting-with-women thing. But I put a lot of effort into learning it because I wanted to have a loving relationship with someone who loves me. I certainly think ‘aspies’ are capable of all the above. We (if I am indeed one) value all those things and really express them when we learn how to …

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Hi, it’s me again. I have a question for all of you. I say that I’m dating an aspie but, in truth, we’ve never used that word. He’s told me that he can’t look me in the eyes, can’t read women especially at the beginning, is highly literal, is a bit virgo (well—organized and particular), needs notice for change, highly sensitive to sounds, smells etc. So, he’s told me all I need to know and, like I said, we seem to communicate well and directly.

    Some friends have insisted that I ask him if he’s ever been diagnosed. I hesitate because of the way it is expressed & the fact that he’s never raised it if he has. And he’s very self-aware. I too have a problem with the word syndrome but I have no problem with the fact that he is aspie. Should I ask him?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi JJ, thanks for stopping by. As you can see from some of the comments here, people can have different reactions to finding out they are Aspie. Personally I found it a great relief to know that I wasn’t alone in my ‘weirdness’ (even though I have not been formally diagnosed). Suddenly many incidents in my life, from my first memories of childhood and onwards, all made sense to me now. I came to find all this information when I was looking for info to help one of my sons, who I suspected showed some signs of Autism. I’d never heard of Aspergers until then but suddenly everything fell into place, including why my son was the way he was. I then realised I could trace Aspergers traits back through my father’s side of the family (and forward via my cousins and their children with ADHD and various “eccentricities”). There were relatives past and present, including my dad, who were often referred to as “unique” or “eccentric” but always likeable and trustworthy etc. As I said, for me it was a welcome relief, but I’d found all this info myself. I don’t know quite how I would have reacted if someone had asked me about it before I’d made my own “diagnosis”. I suspect I would have felt some element of defensiveness and maybe even resentfulness about being told I was not ‘normal’ …depends on the manner of delivery of the message I suppose. I don’t think I would have ‘shot the messenger’ but I would have needed time to process the information, and I know I would have immediately thought of all the things I can do better than a lot of others to justify to myself that I was ‘superior’ in some way. Actually a ‘superiority complex’ can be one of the character traits of some Aspies that really annoys NTs, lol. 😀

      If you do decide to ask your boyfriend, perhaps it would be better to ask him if he’s ever wondered why he can’t look you in the eye, or ‘read’ people the way others can, and why he’s so sensitive to various stimuli when others aren’t. Then you could tell him how you came across info on Aspergers that describes him exactly. Then ask him if he’s ever heard of it before and if not, let him know that it’s not a bad thing and that it’s a neurological difference that can result in a lot of advantages as well as some difficulties, but it is an explanation of why he is the way he is. Then go on to point out all the wonderful positives about his different ‘way of being’ …or something along those lines anyway… and take things from there and see where it all leads. 🙂

      I found one thing that really did help me was to read the thoughts and experiences of other Aspies …in fact at times I still get so excited when somebody has written something that I feel but can’t articulate well enough myself. I read it and think yes, yes, yes, that’s me too! Maybe he might see something here in my blog or any of the others I have in my links sections, that ‘resonates’ with him too.

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  21. Thanks so much Jenny! Very helpful advice- I like the…do you ever wonder why? Maybe wait until he brings up one of these traits as a springboard. I once told him that he can be difficult to understand or predict because he’s (wonderfully) not like other guys. I will really bring in all of those qualities that I mentioned above that I love about him. Also struck me in hindsight that I shouldn’t raise it when we’re arguing or having problems communicating. Then it definitely seems like I’m blaming his way of being when any tensions in a relationship are a factor of both. My chaos and drama, at times, can’t be easy on him. And he’s always very straight with me. Problems can arise when I’m feeling and acting insecure & unfairly expect him to understand that I need reinforcement. Thanks again. I will check out those other resources.

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  22. Thank you for your website. I am struggling with the issue that I now know these tendencies have a name and can not be remedied. I thought I could continue to micromanage the feelings, and they would eventually fade. Coming to terms with the fact that I can not “fix” the anxiety associated with these traits by using practiced management will take time. Your insights and references are going to be of great assistance when I feel frustrated. The next challenge….. As the boss, I have to learn to be more patient with everyone who does not notice the details, and I have to remind myself that not everyone thinks in algorithms! Thank you, again.

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    1. Hi Katia …thanks for commenting here. I’m glad the info on my site can be of assistance to you. Just wondering if you’ve tried managing your anxiety by modifying your diet? Personally I found my anxiety and depression both decreased significantly once I’d been gluten free and casein (dairy) free for a couple of months. Doing a diet challenge and introducing them back into my diet purposely to gauge the effects suddenly brought back all the old feelings, so I knew then that diet and previously unknown food intolerance was the cause of a lot of my “mental discomfort”. Maybe a GFCF diet is worth considering for yourself as well?

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  23. I really liked reading this, it makes me happy when people aren’t just listing up what makes us Aspies annoying or so-called ‘disfunctioned’. I myself am a sixteen-year-old Aspie who was diagnosed about five years old, but I love learning about others’ views and opinions as well as meeting fellow Aspies.

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  24. Very interesting article, and I agree with the comments as well!

    – JJ, When I read
    “My chaos and drama, at times, can’t be easy on him. And he’s always very straight with me. Problems can arise when I’m feeling and acting insecure & unfairly expect him to understand that I need reinforcement.”

    I felt like you described an issue that I used to have with my fiancée (me being the male aspie). We worked it out by reading about different things that worked for us. Although since one of my aspian superpowers are to newer (in my adult life) being angry, it was primarily to find techniques to help me see her problems and what she really needed/wanted (as upposed to what was being said, which in her upset state did not make much sense to an aspie) in that state. One example would be affirming words.

    I can’t speek for anyone but me, but if he is like me, I think the best way would be to ask if he would read the list of positive traits listed here (and other places) and see how many he has. Making him see it not as a syndrome, but as a different personality type (of which he has many of the benefits but necessarily not all the drawbacks) might be a good way to introduce the idea. Since your last message was over a month ago this tip might be too late, but let us know how it goes!

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  25. I really enjoyed this site/blog! Thank you so much for posting! I even love the star background. It made it so much fun to read the comments. I feel such a warm and genuine liking for the aspies who posted (and the others,too! lol)

    I felt a difference now, finding out about my aspergers/autism, and doing some normal grocery shopping today. I feel as if, I can fake it and interact like a “social” person or to just be me and feel a bit clumsy, let the cart roll off a bit without worry, pick up the Pineapple only to put it back 🙂 hehe. I think it was my nervousness because I’ve gone so long ‘learning’ and memorizing how to fit in, that I created this persona of being the social butterfly, and it worked for me— but other times I grew the natural anxiety. I think we are amazing actors/actresses. So, now that I am having the diagnosis drilled in my mind, its like I have to train myself to remember that my ramblings of social justice, equality, and honest remarks, may not even get through to another, neurotypical’s mind frame. I think this is what hurts me the most. Especially people I care about, its like I want them to see me for me, and to see the love within. Some people can, but they, themselves, don;t know how to respond to that. So, its like they don’t know how to respond to me as much as I to them. It’s all about perception. But, it hurts so much when I am excluded from things I love doing. I feel so bad, seeing photos of people hanging out without me when all I’ve been was honest and efficient in doing my work. People may become upset because I speak the truth and have an ‘amazing’ 😉 intuition and put love and passion into all that I do. But, I dislike how people can’t instead embrace these qualities and I can use them to even help them and their companies! 🙂 Sometimes, they see my creativity proposals in the end as useful. But in the beginning I always receive these weird stares/looks. Just walking into a room, people sense me from a mile away. Then again, there are people with sincere smiles , and they seem like they are non judgmental so at least I can get a chance to try and show the real me before anything…. 😉 Because they are some people who are beautiful on the inside, and don’t always use their minds/thoughts to create assumptions.;}

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  26. I have a boyfriend with Asperger’s and he is better than any other boyfriend I’ve ever had – kind, reliable, intelligent, thought-provoking, funny and level-headed. Of course, aspies, like any other human beings, come in all varieties and can’t all be tarred with the same brush. These ‘general’ characteristics are, for the most part, very positive ones!

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  27. Having Asperger’s only gives me a different set of cognitive tools and senses to measure the perceived world.

    I’ve noticed that what others do cognitively by logical inference and deduction I do intuitively. This has been tested on a regular basis in real world settings as I currently study and work in engineering. I am logically inclined, but resolve many technical problems from gut feeling. I’ve done this with quite complex problems in quick resolution time, gaining flashes of insight that often create the illusion of higher thinking.

    Good thing I know the difference otherwise my head would never fit through the door.

    I do not think, nor ever hope ever to assume that I am a genius. I often find the comment quite offensive. Overdeveloped visualization skills and encyclopedic knowledge does not denote higher intelligence. Just ’cause I have a really fast search engine in my head doesn’t necessarily mean it’s very reliable. I mean come on….look at Wikipedia.

    Also, I prefer using the term “Atypical” vs “Aspie”; to distinguish myself from those we’ve often labeled the Neurotypicals to specify that I’m just a different branch of the human conundrum. It is to denote that what is deemed the norm is based upon the bias of typical thought structure as established by the larger speaking body. Just to express that we are nothing more or nothing less, just something different.

    Born to think outside of the box is all, by default. Cheers

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  28. Wow this feels amazing becauase even though i havent been diagnosed my mother has always felt like i have Asperger but she couldnt be sure and looking back on my life i realise that everything ive read about it seems to seem like its some has been wrighting about the me that is how i feel but i often have to pretend to not to be but one thing that i notice was that there didnt seem to be anything that mentioned anything good about it so i started to feel abit ashamed that i have it but then i came across this which seemed to say the good qualities that i dont take notice of and now i feel like i can be proud to say that im an aspie or some such so thank you

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  29. I’m not Autistic, but I am at university doing Graphic Design and am currently trying to create a book that will get adults to understand Autism in an informal, fun way. My best friend is on the spectrum and I don’t like the way most places seem to list the disadvantages of it, rather than what amazing people they are.

    This has been very helpful, thank you!

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  30. I am the wife of an undiagnosed husband with aspergers. We are both positive he is. Alot of what is being said about the positive traits about aspies I find to be true. But our problems are mostly with intimacy. There is none. He has no desire to have sex with me and hasnt since about a year into our now 13 year marriage. We have recently separated and I am wondering if anyone has any advice for us that might help in this area.

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    1. Explain your not having your needs met and tell him you understand he has his own way and ask him if you can get something on the side. He may not mind. Many of us do not have the same hangups as nt’s.

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  31. I would also like to know if someone could recommend a therapist in our Fayetteville, NC area that has alot of experience working with NT and Aspie couples. We are having difficulty finding someone who has treated adults with Aspergers and couples.

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  32. Hi, sorry to bother you, but would need if you could send me a photo of ducks (autism) in high definition, is to stamp a shirt for Autism Awareness Day. Or you can tell me where I can get it?
    Thank you. My email is manilagv@yahoo.com.ar

    Like

  33. Sometimes i feel nt always don’t say “the truth” as per what i am thinking. But maybe it is down to having a different brain ie thinking.

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  34. I believe my husband has Aspergers. I am responding to the woman who is separated from her Asp husband who is not interested in intimacy. My husband seems disinterested also. I will not give up on him. He is unique, brilliant, difficult at times to understand but I find him to be the most interesting person. He loves me and I know it. I use humor with him and it seems to open him up. I literally insist that he not turn away from intimacy. I would rather have rare moments with this man than frequent moments with any other man. I was married to a “normal” man for many years who ran around on me and disrespected me and our children. Give me an Aspergers man any day. Please don’t give up on your husband. Ask him if he loves you and wants you. They do. Deal with the fact that intimacy does not come natural to him. I have struggled with it now for 3 years. He is worth it. He is so loyal and kind to me. He is interesting and brilliant. I do believe that Aspergers syndrome is an evolutionary leap.

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  35. Not to sound proud, but I am – of my son. He is all of the above. I am including this article in his 18th birthday card. He learned so much from his social skills and pragmatic skills groups (10 years) that his “proudest moment” was in 10th grade – he agreed with his IEP group that he no longer needed an IEP. He is proud to be an Aspie, but refuses the negative stereotype. He took two years of weight training in high school and exercises each day. He has perfect pitch and is a beautiful violinist (and pianist). He also was the president of his high school’s chess club. Recently, he participated in the Yugioh nationals tournament in Chicago. He has a *girlfriend* and many very, very good friends (we had a great high school graduation party for him!). I’ll miss him when he goes off to college in a month. But there is no mother who is prouder. He suffered years and years of intense bullying in elementary and middle school, but I think that has given him an enormous degree of empathy and perspective that I have simply not found in anyone else.

    I have a daughter who is dyspraxic, and my youngest who is now pulling herself out of major depression (also subject of major bullying). My own theory is that non-neurotypicals (i.e., PDD-spectrum, manic-depressives, dyspraxics, etc.) are the ones not only who view the world through an entirely different lens, but ALSO are the ONLY ones who make the largest contributions to society in terms of science, art, architecture, music, literature… you name it. It is because they see the world differently and (some – not all) are able to use an innate talent to express this view that is simply remarkable. Look back in history. Read biographies of the people who contributed to society in remarkable ways *carefully.* I, myself, have a great-grandfather who was written up by National Geographic for having the largest insect collection in the world (the beetle collection is now at the Cleveland’s Natural History Museum). The title of the article is “lonely genius.” The article goes on to substantiate that this man shunned groups of people and was awkward around them. Hard to diagnose back generations, but I’d take a good guess…

    These are the people to celebrate, and I’m also guessing that the plain vanilla (myself included) will not be those identified as the great contributors someday. Someday, this will all turn-around 180 degrees.

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  36. I love this! I am also Autistic, A Typical Autism: PDD-NOS. I am 23, I was diagnosed when 13. But my motto I go by is Autistic & Proud. People ask me if I want to be ‘normal’ and I say to them “Well what is normal? In my eyes, if society doesn’t perceive it as normal then it isn’t normal. Thus why us Aspies are seen as ‘different’. But I personally don’t think the word normal should exist. Its only a perception, (not sure if that is the right word).

    I am also a Tarot user and Wiccan. I have a personal page on facebook with my art and music on, to help other Aspies to have the courage to show others what they can do also! http://www.facebook.com/auandproud

    I love this blog!
    Kaylee

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  37. I live in the UK,and have always felt different..At school I was bullied for that reason,which at the time I did not understand; .in the fields of Health ,education and practical subjects I did well helped by dedication ,patience and perseverance.Taking things literally,being honest but not fully understanding other peoples ”emotions” was difficult..Aspergers is a social not intellectual impediment,but I have found does have many advantages.
    It helps to analyse problems logically and clinically.
    It helps attention to detail.
    I do not have ”emotions”ruling logic.
    I do not worry at being the odd man out.
    I never feel lonely,though I do have a supportive wife.
    I like solitude and silence.
    I feel more at home in the natural world than being among crowds.
    I feel confident in myself and can act independently.
    I do not follow the herd.
    As I have have said,there are many compensations

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  38. What up, people. My name is Alt Tab and I’m glad to see aspies portrayed in such a positive light, as if that took work. I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 30, not even a year ago and I’ve already read a lot of the literature on Aspergers. I ‘m also one of the most outspoken aspies you;ll ever meet. If you took DNA from Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory and threw it in a bunson burner with the DNA of Gil Scott Heron,, you would get me. First, this whole “social” thing. I feel like I’m listening to a poorly written rap battle verse. so this “social’ thing is the only bad thing they can come up with? Really? aAnd how deep is this “social” thing anyway? If we’re so socially inept, how are we able to converse right now? I think it’s who we’re socializing with that is the problem. The NT’s can’t even figure each other out; why should we be charged with doing it?That’s pretty damned “self absorbed” don’t you think? And other thing, what’s up with the whole “lack f empathy” thing? I think some doctor somewhere asked some aspie out on a date, got turned down and is now just bitter about it. Really, people, these of some of the most self absorbed statements I’ve ever heard.
    And now on to opnions:
    I think this whole social issue is purely subjective. This summer, I attended a camp for aspies for the first time. You know what? I didn’t see any social problems. I didn’t see anyone hiding in corners, I didn’t see any of the behavior i read in any of the propaganda pamphlets I read. Why was that? I feel like someone has told me that they’re sick and can’t come to work only do pop up at come inicon later that day. In other words, if socializing were sucha huge issue, it should impact every activity and not seemingly fade in and out. I think I have the solution to everybody who says that they just want to be normal, get a gang. You don’t think NTs are just so intuned to a magical frequency that you just happen not to understand, do you? It’s not magic; it’s simply 12 of them and 1 of you.
    But this is only my first blog. You’ll have plenty of time to hear from me.

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    1. When I was at school, the other kids had trouble relating to me, not the other way round. They weren’t interested in astronomy, electronics, coins, stamps, heraldry, trains, aircraft, photography, languages etc, so they had nothing to say to me. The result was that they pretty much left me alone to my books. It was lonely until I went to secondary school and there were other equally nerdy kids to socialise with. Re Sheldon: I think the things he says out loud. “Socialisation” is simply not saying what you think but talking about meaningless shit just for the sake of talking. Blah. Hate it.

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  39. Trebor., I’ve read that story before. By the way, where’s the hangman’s rope for these bastards who come to school to not learn about astronomy? Anybody going to dock them 15 IQ points and slap them with a labelcan see it now: Slackers syndrome. Characterized by an acute self absorbtion with using people and things for an unintended purpose. Let’s do it! You and I can ride across the country passing judgment, revoking driver’s liscences and making others feel like shit as we go! But I digress. I would like to learn about astronomy. I’m writing a series of sifi books where 1 of my characters majors in astronomy in college. My 1 astronomy information source was Raj from Big Bang, but unfortunately, since he hates himself so much and Sheldon is the only secure 1 in the bunch, he obviously is no good for any information. Maybe 1 day, I can let you read it. The series is called, “Saturn” and it’s a futuristic story about people with Aspergers who live their lives freely and without neurotypical input. Even the villains are aspies so their lives are completely care free, but it’s a hell of a lot better than life on planet pain.
    Keep the comments coming. Peace!

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  40. Alt Tab, please let us know if you decide to publish one day. It sounds like a very interesting perspective of life on another planet or planet earth 200 years from now! I recently discovered I am probably one of this kind and I would like to explore the possibility of Aspies – or as better called by people on earlier posts, “neuro-atypicals” – are indeed an evolutionary leap. In my mind it just makes sense…! For one thing, we are growing in number. Nowadays we can find more and more information on our kind on the internet. I feel the world would be a much better place if it was governed my Aspies / a-typicals or however we choose to call ourselves. How can’t the rest of the population see that? I’ve been taking IQ tests ever since I was in my 20’s just to reassure myself that I am not stupid as others kept treating me like. Every time my IQ came out above average. At one point I had reached 136. I just cannot comprehend that other people cannot “get” my point of view and they prefer to label me as stupid or incompetent! It just blows me away!! Sadly enough this has destroyed my professional career. I have the feeling that one day the human kind will come to realize that by ignoring us or labeling us as people with a problematic “syndrome” they have done a great disservice to society. I just hope this is sooner instead of later. Maybe we should help in making the public more aware of all the special qualities and skills we bring to the world. Then maybe one day instead of people concentrating on our lack of social neurotypical abilities they will concentrate on our special talents, creativity, care for the greater good, higher ideals, loyalty and thinking-outside-the-box abilities.
    I very much appreciate this site and the blog with everybody’s positive comments. I will be reading the new posts regularly. I would love to hear what other people have to say about the evolutionary leap theory – I just hope it is not just my arrogant wishful thinking!

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    1. Aria, I am definitely on the same page as you here. We are more logical and objective and have the ability to understand a lot more than the average ‘NT’. It frustrates me when I see politicians and business leaders forging ahead based on wrong information and logical fallacies. Fortunately, the importance of technology to our society means that we are becoming ever-more important.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for your reply Rob, I see so much wrong in the world and some easy ways to correct it, but money, power and complacency always comes first with the average human. I guess this is why our planet is being destroyed and the following generations are going to suffer the consequences. And this is only one of the major problems that we as humans face. Second one on my list by order of importance is the politics played in the food and medical industry. These industries don’t serve humans anymore but the altar of money or better yet whoever is managing it! I feel so powerless thinking about the abuse and manipulation that we are going through because of them. I imagine we do have the power of choice in the kind of food we buy but not so much in medicine. We really have to do our research before we let anyone subject us to any kind of treatment. I would also like to see more reaction from our part to all of this. Yes, technology is important and the majority of us is indeed employed in this industry but we don’t control it. Again, any thoughts on this will be greatly appreciated.

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  41. Aria, what up. It’s Tab. I am going to publish the books; That’s why I’m writing them. I understand that not everyone who starts a project like this does it to publish. However, these books are for publishing. It’s a perspective that not only hasn’t been covered before, but is also a perspective that hasn’t been able to be covered before. I haven’t read a comic book yet that has dared to consider what life would be like if we were left to plot our own course through life without being harassed. There have been some attempts such as the X Men and Star wars. Saturn is a series of books about the lives of aspies and the issues they deal with among themselves, super villains only being 1 of them and not even the main issue. You sent this response just in time. My computer just recently crashed taking the Saturn books with it and I didn’t know if I was going to start them again. I guess I’ll sign off here and get back to work.

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    1. Alt Tabb, thanks for this. As I already mentioned, do let us know when they are published. Good luck with this project! And don’t forget to always back up your files! 🙂

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  42. Hello Positive Aspies. I am the mother of an Aspergers young man who wasn’t diagnosed until he was almost 30. He graduated from a Conservatory of music and is a brilliant blind pianist. I wont say his name as he blogs and I don’t want to him to think that I am “mothering” him still. I just want to say that this blog is Awesome and I am so glad that it exists. I have read about the talent, the insight, the brilliance, and the cleverness of many of you and as a NT, it does my heart good to know that my son is among a host of brilliance. I told my son about his diagnosis this past April while watching a show that was on for American Autism Month. It was about a baseball players who has Aspergers who was brilliant in baseball and numbers. My son could relate to what was going on with him and midway through the movie I said, “You are my Aspire” he said “Wow, that is so cool” and has embraced who he is in his new role. His plans are to incorporate his concerts with a session afterwards that educates his followers about Aspergers and the beauty of those who have it and the numerous contributions they have made to society. We have been online looking for every thing we can find on the topic and then started looking for the positive things about aspergers because we, quickly, got tired of the stereotypical negative things that were being said. Continue to do what you are doing and blogging has been the best thing that has ever happened to my son. I am so proud of him because he is so proud of who he is. Once I read this blog to him and he is ok with my identifying him, I will share who he is with you. Again, many thanks for sharing yourselves and for making us mothers know that there is a place where our children, who may be adults, can fit in because of who they are. Incidentally, we watch “Big Bang” together and laugh our heads off at Sheldon because Sheldon hits close to where we live. God Bless each of you.

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      1. Thanks Rob. I have since shared my blog with my son who is an Aspie who said it was a good blog. I was glad he was not angry. He will continue to blog and will reveal himself when he is ready. Thanks, again. I am proud to be the mother of an Aspite

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  43. My 21 year old was diagnosed at 5 and I was diagnosed just under 3 years ago at the beginning of 2011 with it as well at age 39. Explains a lot and for years my ex-wife and mother had suspected it. It took a year from hell with a lot of negative stuff happening and an astute doctor who sent me to a shrink when i went to see about anti-depressants to have me diagnosed. Ironically I used to work with people as a disability support worker and kids in care who had Asperger’s as a part of their diagnosis. Explains why I was able to be good at my job, have a close and understanding relationship with my boy and why I was unable to keep jobs even though I got 99% of the ones I went for. Always told my big boy that it is a gift if we can use it right. The perfectionism, obsessiveness with an interest and the ability to see things in a way others can’t. Unfortunately he is on a pension like I have been put on now. Still, with 4 younger siblings via his mum, 1 by me with the mother of my heart son, he is a man who is as gentle and patient as any I have seen. He knows how much he is loved by me and his siblings and how proud I am. Been blessed with him that’s for sure. 🙂

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  44. I’ve always felt “different”, like an alien who crash landed here and I have spent my entire life studying these fascinating creatures we call people. I was bullied as a kid, partly because I have been a bleeding heart and a pacifist my whole life and would never fight back. I suffered from major anxiety and self-loathing which I attributed to my rocky home life and my mother constantly telling me that she just “doesn’t get me” for as long as I can remember. Intimate relationships have always been hard for me. In theory, I want to be married and live happily ever after, but any time I have found myself in a committed relationship it always seemed to cause more suffering and pain then when I was alone. I have been in and out of therapy and have been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder, depression, and even bi-polar. I have been on every medication known to man (including lithium) which only ever made things worse, we’re talking, made me suicidal worse. Along with all of this, I have always struggled with a sense of identity. I am a chameleon and as such I can “fit in” anywhere I go, but it always just feels like playing a part. When I come home, I find myself thinking, “Who the hell was THAT girl?”. Though at the same time, it felt very natural to slip in and out of their worlds. To make a lifetime worth of information short, a guy I have been seeing for a while mentioned to me that I should read a book about women with Aspergers. When I asked him why he told me that he thought I might have it. I was PISSED. How could he think I had autism?!?! I’m highly intelligent, amazingly articulate, and socially well adapted. None of these things fit into the paradigm of what I thought it meant to be autistic. But since I am an endless pit of information gathering I decided to humor him. Holy Crap. In SO many ways it was like reading the biography of my life. I identified with so many of the aspects of what this woman was describing. But then she started talking about how women with Aspergers struggle with communication and verbal interaction. She talked about things like freezing up and moments of becoming mute. She also talked about how women with aspergers are very often brilliant with numbers and systems. For me, this couldn’t be further from my reality. I have always been a super high functioning communicator. According to my parents, I have been speaking like a grown up since I was a small child. I have never had an issue expressing my thoughts or feelings. If anything, I use TOO MANY words and too much articulation. On the flip side, I am TERRIBLE at math. Whenever I try to do anything more than simple arithmetic it is as if my brain literally shuts off. I went through a complete cognitive evaluation 3 years ago and the results came back that in areas such as language and verbal skills I am in the 90th percentile, but when it comes to math and anything like unto it, I’m sitting below average. SO! All of of this has made me wonder. So much of what I have read fits, but this seems like a pretty big thing. Is it possible that a person with Aspergers could be a high functioning communicator, very witty, and very personable in superficial situations. Is poor communication and awkward social interactions always the case in people with Aspergers? Am I barking up the wrong diagnosis here?

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    1. Hi Brittney, I don’t think you’re barking up the wrong diagnosis at all. Have you seen the page here on my blog about Girls & Asperger Syndrome? (https://theotherside.wordpress.com/my-ramblings-about-autism-aspergers-syndrome/girls-aspergers-syndrome/) …there’s lots of links to other articles at the end too that you might find of interest. I can totally relate to the idea of playing a part – that’s what girls with AS are very good at doing, much more so than the boys, so we don’t stand out in the crowd for the ‘wrong’ reasons as much as boys do. Also not everyone with AS is a maths genius – I think that’s just a generalisation – my youngest son with AS is hopeless with maths (as are 2 of his older brothers) but is good with language, and sometimes too wordy, something I have in common also as I tend to use too many words to express an idea that others do in half the space. 😉 My kids have also always spoken like grown-ups (or used what some would call more formal speech) since very early. So-called ‘normal’ adults would make fun of that and call them names like “little professor” and seem to be upset with me for having kids that didn’t speak baby gibberish like theirs did – like I was somehow at fault and not allowing them to be kids. I could never understand this and it did make me angry to have to defend my kids’ natural intelligence and their preference for being articulate. In later years people have told me what “lovely boys” they are as they are polite, friendly and communicate well in social situations. The youngest 2 are diagnosed with mild AS and the older 2 have many traits but haven’t been assessed. Anyway my advice is to keep reading all you can about AS and even if you never bother with a formal diagnosis you may come to a better understanding of why you are like you are. Above all, though, be proud of who you are – AS is just another “way of being” – it is not “wrong” just “different”. 😀

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    2. If it helps, I’m a male aspie with a math degree and I can’t do arithmetic to save my life. Everything past that is fine (I can rearrange equations in my head), but adding or multiplying? Nope… luckily calculators exist.

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  45. Hi, my name is Lee, I’m 68 yrs old and I’m a Aspie. I was diagnosed in my early sixties. I have always known that I was different than everyone else, I just didn’t know how. I was always the ‘odd man out’ and didn’t know why. Getting diagnosed was quite a relief to me. Knowing that there is a name for people like me and that there really are other people like me, is great. Since my diagnosis, I have learned a lot about AS . Having grown up with Aspergers, I know it is hard on children and young adults. It can lead to loneliness, isolation and depression. I think it very important for parents to be aware of the symptoms and seek help if need be. While there is no cure, consoling can help a child to work with their weakness and, more importantly, take advantage of their considerable strengths.

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  46. Asperger Syndrome is NOT AT all about dysfunction and disability etc.

    I just corrected it for you. 😉 Hans Asperger hadn’t had a syndrom at all and a neurological variety isn’t a dysfunction or disability at all. Only people who think that being a NT is right state of mind, surpremicists or bigots would think that way or aspies who adopted their world view.

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  47. I’m a newly diagnosed Aspie and, among other elements of the diagnosis, it is an incredible relief to confirm what I have felt for all of these years. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere, other than my physical appearance, which is similar to the appearance of other humans, I’ve felt like I must be from another planet. Ours is full of societies that call themselves advanced yet they are so desensitized to the harm they do to the living systems on earth, each other included. I’ve always been very sensitive to these things, a benefit that allows me to be an extraordinarily skilled pet dog trainer, but an aspect of life that has posed a massive challenge for me. It is difficult being part of a society in which you have contempt for, not only because of what can be viewed as overwhelming ignorance, but also because everyone seems to be buddy buddy while you sit in the corner. Its not that I want to be buddy buddy with people, it just gets under my skin that they focus their energy on empty friendships, which they do not know are empty because its a cultural norm, when there are so many other more beneficial things that energy could be spent on.

    I got off topic, but its difficult to explain why the diagnosis is so relieving. I do not care to meet other aspies, as everyone calls it – because I do not need support. In fact, I think that those without it could use a little support in figuring out what is important … things like the upcoming election when everyone will be focused on talking points spout by presidential candidates and voting based on which smile is prettiest instead of looking at voting records, allegiances, monetary contributions and other similar things that are actually important. Aspergers is a gift and it allows me to function on a level that is separate from most other individuals – I dont care that I am not comfortable in social settings and that i don’t make new friends very easily – if i wanted to, id work on it until i was good at it. I dont want too because i’m not interested in friends and social graces, Im interested in things that aren’t a blatant waste of time, that actually benefit animals and the earth…and myself. I’ve had many people say they are sorry i have aspergers so I’ve just stopped telling people because I should be apologizing to them that they weren’t lucky enough to get it. Of course, they’re too dumb to know that and that is unfortunate.

    Anyway, thank you for the forum, I like the personal feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Having read your article it is clear to me that your thought processes and opinions are virtually identical to my own regarding science, nature and humanity but even with their obvious flaws I know I will be happier being close to people I trust

      Liked by 1 person

  48. I have been dating a guy for about 2 years now who i think has aspergers. We live together, and it was after i moved in that i started noticing how different he was. He is very intelligent, and not book smart, but just in the sense that he seems to see everything so clearly, completely without bias. He often rambles on about certain topics he’s interested in, and i have to remind him to ask me questions as well about my day or interests etc. He’s incredibly loyal to me and his family, but has a hard time interacting in social situations and making or keeping friends. when he’s relaxed in social settings such as when he’s been drinking he’ll revert to his more ‘aspie’ behaviour, start going into his own bubble, starts speaking in accents etc. He has big ideas about what he wants to do in his life, but has a hard time sticking to his plans that he sets out for himself, he’s back at uni now trying to get a degree but has great difficulty in the various group projects they have and feels like he puts his foot in the mouth all the time, and that he has to keep quiet just so not to offend anyone. He says things people dont want to hear, but often its the truth.

    So i have a few questions if anyone cares to answer them. for starters i’ve brought up aspergers to my boyfriend before and he insists that hes been to psychologists before when he was younger (he’s 30 now) who’ve said there’s nothing different about him, and he’s taken tests online. I find these traits listed here though fit so perfectly, and maybe by seeing these positive aspects he would be willing to accept that he might have aspergers. He often talks about feeling alone in the world, that everybody is fake and that he feels like he all the time has to work so hard to fit in. Since i’ve already brought this issue up before, does anyone have any suggestions if and how i should bring it up again?

    I also wonder about anger outbursts, he recently got really drunk, was upset and tried to run away and then broke a couch at my mothers house just yeah, acted really badly. So, does alcohol affect people with aspergers a different way?

    Lastly i’m a ‘neurotypical’ person, i care a lot about what other people think, too much. and this has made me more aware of what my boyfriend says when we are for example around my family or around friends of mine. im worried he will offend someone or something, i feel horribly shallow and ashamed for it and like im a bad person for not being able to be as accepting and non judgemental as he is. but its come to the point where i get very anxious in social situations when i’m with him and other people. id really appreciate if someone can relate to this, and how they’ve learned to cope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds like he’s lucky to have you, someone who recognises his abnormalities and simply wants to better understand them and help him. As a recently dumped guy with Aspergers :/ haha I’d say your the dream

      Liked by 1 person

  49. My older Brother said to me once that his friends said to him that i am weird and that they are scared of me. I know exactly how your boyfriend feels like because i am also a Aspie. I do not socialize very much and see my work and academics as a gap (void) where in i can escape too if things getting a little bit too rough for me. I see it as a kind off stress relieve. I am also very hyper active in a way that i must keep myself busy otherwise i am getting very irritated with myself. Too overcome above mentioned i stimulate myself with things that i am interested in. I love History and Art History and read lots of books off different topics i like. Your boyfriend must never give up on his studies.. Encourage him to study what he likes. Be supportive and let him know that he can do it. I studied what i like and know have a degree in History and Art History. I got a lot off support from my parents and lectures that help me to unlock the positives inside of me and come too terms with my self. Me 26 years old and working at my University archive now. I am currently busy with a course in Archival Studies and Museum Science through UNISA ( University of South Africa). I see my syndrome as a positive not a negative. Focused just on the positives. My real name is Willem Lemmer and living in South Africa. The name of the city i stay is called Potchefstroom. Ps my native language is Afrikaans,influenced by Dutch and Flemish. You can add me on Face Book if you want to Saz. Aspies Bo.

    Greetings from South Africa. ZAR

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Thank you for posting this. I’m entering and testing for Aspergers as an adult and sometimes it really feels lonely and awkward. So after being burdened down by it’s limitations I’m happy to see these qualities that I know I possess too. Now if I can just learn how to talk to people like we aren’t in a television show I’ll be set.

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    1. Angela please don’t feel alone. My husband has Aspergers and possibly my son. Life is so short and it would be a terrible shame if you allowed yourself to miss out on one day of the wonderful experiences and pleasures your life has in store for you. The happiness you seek and want is already within you. Clear out all of the self doubt and society imposed expectations of what is “normal” and what is not, and fill yourself up with good thoughts and actions and be the very best person you can be. True happiness is a state of mind. We achieve it when we do our best to be our best. Your best cannot be compared or measured against someone else’s. So it’s all up to you. The power is all yours. Get up each morning full of joy and lust for life. You can be and deserve to be just as happy as anyone else does. This life is yours to live. Go get your happiness!

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  51. Hi Angela welcome to the club. Are you Italian. Because your surname reminds me of the famous Botticelli the Renaissance painter. Awesome surname. Greetings from South Africa. I visited Florence last year was amazing. I too struggle too talk to people i prefer too be alone. Books are my best friends.

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  52. I am a young adult with Aspergers, for as long as I can remember I have medicated my problems with alcohol. My cousins and my sisters are so close its just effortless and I don’t even feel like the same species but when I drink it feels like I am the person I was meant to be. I can connect with them and I love that but I know it’s not real it can’t last and when I sober up with them I feel even more separated so thank you for your post because, after recognising many of these traits in myself it is nice to think that we do have some advantages over homo sapien

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  53. As someone with Aspergers. There’s too many spelling mistakes on this so called forum and people wanting to have a label when they are clearly looking for attention.

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  54. I have been delaying asking my doctor for a referral for an assessment and have read many articles and completed online assessments. This article resonates with me so strongly that it might just have given me the courage to ask for that referral. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think my 19 year old daughter has Asperger’s. She is strong , independent, makes good grades, but has no friends. She is involved in everything, church, cross country, chorus, But I think others see her as awkward. she has never been in any trouble or defiant in any way, but she just tries so hard, but it breaks my heart that she has never had a best friend that comes over and hangs out with her. She does everything by herself. I don’t know how to tell her without making her feel like something is wrong with her. I mean there isn’t. She is just make differently by God. ANy suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Our small dog drowned last weekend in the pool. I could see the lack of empathy. Likeshe didn’t emotionally know how to react. I wish I could understand how her mind works and just feel and see things the way she does.
      Prayers and advise appreciated.

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  55. This is me to a t. I just found out I have aspergers at the age of 42. It is a relief to know why I have struggled most of my life. I am now going to find out how to harness aspergers and use it to my advantage. I have a freakishly photographic memory and can put “the pieces” together from seeming unrelated subjects. I have been obsessively researching how the mind works, the conscious, subconscious, the reptilian brain, frontal cortex, brain chemistry, nutrition, inflammation, etc.

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  56. To me people with AS are the intelligent, creative, kind, honest, interesting, empathetic & cool type that I much prefer. Some articles ask ‘Is there a cure?’ – FFS, as IF you’d want to cure genius?! That’s panic ignorance, not malice, I guess. Only negative is when non-AS make it a problem with their rigid intolerance & narrow views, so wish I’d known sooner I was AS – 51 YEARS struggling to ‘fit’, blaming myself & being blamed / mocked when of course I failed, over & over & over – Didn’t occur to any of MANY Drs I went to with suicidal depression, isolation & anxiety that Aspergers was female too.. Thankfully it’s better for kids now? I’d HATE anyone else to go through what I did; no more!

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