Autistics Speaking Day

…was officially on November 1 but I missed it so I’m posting something about it here now, although I have not registered my blog as one of the participants. The purpose of this special day…

To raising Autism awareness and Acceptance, and battling negative stereotypes about Autism. To advocate for the inclusion of Autistic people in the community. To offer a forum to broadcast their voices, and to help the messages of Autistic people and non-Austistic allies reach the ears of as many people as possible.

How it works…

“The plan is that on November 1st social networking sites like Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, as well as YouTube and  blogging sites will see a huge increase in the posts of autistic people.  We will post links to as many of these as we can to share the works of the autistic people.  Our hope is that this will help promote autism awareness and autism acceptance.  If you are a blogger or own a website, you can write a post on or around November 1st for Autistics Speaking Day and we will share the posts through this blog, Twitter, and Facebook.  Everyone is free to participate in ASDay however they want.  Some will just read through the posts, some will help to distribute the posts, and some will actively write them.”

So, I’m doing my bit to help spread the word, even if it is well after the official date.

Articulacy and feeling “stuck”…

I’ve also been reading some of the blogs listed on the main site (click on the banner above). In fact I’m feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment by the articulacy of the various blogs I read, excited by the many things that resonate with me about the experiences and feelings described within them but frustrated at my own inadequacy at literary self-expression. There’s so many things I want to say too but the words just won’t flow, which is my usual reaction to such blogs and why I can never manage to write comments on the blogs I really like. Thank goodness a “Like” button is on so many blogs now. ;)

Perhaps this is not the right time for me to be attempting to write a decent blog as I’m feeling so “stuck”. I have so many half formed thoughts and emotions that never make it to complete sentences on a page. It’s hard to write what I really feel and just let the words flow (which I’m attempting to do now) as my automatic censors get in the way — “what will people think?” or “I can’t write that, it’s too personal” or “it sounds fake (even though it’s not)” — STOP!

As I’m thinking the words I can feel the back of my throat constricting, a weird physical response to a mental stimulus. Yes, I know I have “throat chakra” issues — a fear of self expression subconsciously instilled throughout my childhood and early adulthood by constant conditioning — “oh, don’t be silly”,  “stop being so sensitive”, “you can’t say that!”, “you’re old enough to have more sense!”, “stop arguing!”, “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, “hmmm, I don’t think so (doubt about what I’ve said, forcing me to show proof)”, “you don’t understand” — the types of things possibly heard by many other children and adults in various situations with no long lasting detrimental effects, except perhaps for the “oversensitive” like me. Stuttering since the age of about 3 years old hasn’t helped either …so yeah, I definitely have issues revolving around communication that are tied up with self-esteem.

It also takes me so much time to try to express myself in writing (and sometimes when speaking due to stuttering) to get the words just right. A short post like this can take hours (this one did) as it involves editing and re-editing to make sure I’ve presented my thoughts correctly, to reduce people’s tendency to see what they think I’ve written instead of what I really mean …an impossible task really as people will always perceive things differently, no matter what. Therein lies another problem with communication in general, in all circles of life.

This is too exhausting …and probably pointless so I’ll stop now.

Anyway, regardless of my inane ramblings here, please take the time to read some of the wonderfully enlightening contributions to Autistics Speaking Day.

4 thoughts on “Autistics Speaking Day

  1. I think that this is an excellent post, and for myself who can be quite wordy on my blog, I still can take hours, days, or months to get the words out. AND they are still not what I wanted to say!

    All that you have in here resonated with me, especially the comments that people have said. Those types of words have left such long-lasting painful and confusing feelings in me that I am even fearful about expressing my poetry or stories. I get afraid after sharing them because all of those comments flood my brain and make me feel doubt or even invalid in my expressions, whether they are real or fabricated for story telling or for the sake of trying to write a poem.

    I will not go into what I go through for my regular blog, but I have been known to have a panic attack after posting and even taking several down. :-)

    Thank you for writing this it says a lot!

    (I don’t stutter, but I get stuck on words and cannot get them out. It literally looks like I am trying to pull them out and many people have said horrible things or mocked me because of that. It has caused me to panic or shutdown. It really feels like there is something blocking them, it’s like a bridge between my brain and throat has collapsed. The connection is broken.)


    1. Thanks Angel. I knew you’d understand. :) I think that often people say things without really understanding the depth of hurt their words cause, or even that they’re hurting anyone at all. Then of course there’s those pathetic individuals who purposely mock and humiliate others just so they can feel better about themselves …something I’ve never really understood as I can’t see how they think they can have the right to behave that way. I s’pose they must think of other people as lesser beings than themselves to be able to feel ok about it?

      I was almost not going to post this one (for all of the reasons above) but went ahead anyway, wondering if any of my other friends would “get it”. I usually put inks to my blog posts on my Facebook profile, and in most cases a few of my friends (people I know in person as well as those I only know online) will “Like” the link or make favourable comments about it. This one however seems to have gone unnoticed or perhaps they just don’t know how to take this one or don’t know what to say about it …it’s a side of me a lot of people don’t see or understand. I hesitated about whether to put this on Facebook too but now it’s there I’m not going to delete the link. It’ll just slowly slide down the “wall” into oblivion as soon as I put more status updates about more important things in life like walking the dog or hating housework, lol. :D


  2. I for one am very glad you posted this one, it gave me the added courage to post my last couple posts. I feel really exposed. I do know that I have to do it for me to help me take back things that have been “stolen” because other people and my own fears.

    I do think people get intimidated when we speak about things like this because it causes self-reflection and that is hard. It can also be hard to relate to because it does not affect them as much as it can people on the spectrum. I think that most people don’t understand the impact or true damage it can cause, or they do “get it” and do not know what to say. Either way these kinds of posts always help someone and many times we never know. BUT the “like” buttons are always good when you don’t have words! Ha ha ha

    I think that is awesome that you left the link up! I got brave and posted one of my poems on my personal FB recently I do not usually post on that one, it didn’t get noticed either, but the second I put something goofy up I got a whole bunch of “likes” and comments. I really do not like that feeling of wanting to share, feeling vulnerable, and then feeling as if no one noticed. It makes me have that invisible feeling. I wanted to make myself keep that poem up, but what I did was put a bunch of silly comments up to make it disappear! Sometimes it gives too much anxiety, but I know that I have to do things like that to at least push me a little. :-)


    1. Thanks Angel. :) I’ve noticed it’s usually the links to my blogs that I feel worried about posting in the first place that get “ignored” on my Facebook page so I can easily relate to your feelings of invisibility and anxiety. I guess in many ways my whole blogging experience is about, “Listen to me! I do have something important and useful to say! I DO know what I’m talking about!” etc, which overall has been a therapeutic experience for me in spite of the occasional “invisible” posts on Facebook. :D


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