Daylight savings has started this weekend, and as usual when this happens I feel somewhat disoriented, unmotivated and lethargic. The fact that the time on the clock no longer matches the “expected” level of sunlight or the “feeling” of the day takes a bit of getting used to. I’ve been stuffing around on the internet all day, generally wasting time.
Today I did something that I don’t normally do – I left a rather long message on a complete stranger’s LJ site. Now they’re not really a complete stranger in my mind, but we’ve never met so I guess that makes us “strangers”. They used to have a wonderful website, that I first came across in early 2003 and which I greatly admired and would go to often. Eventually they had to shut down the website, due to family commitments and time constraints. I was disappointed that the website was gone, but I understood why it had to be so. I had previously exchanged a couple of emails with this person about website links and a few random niceties. Out of curiosity I’d looked at their various online photo albums, blogs etc, just to see who was behind the website that I admired so much. It’s strange how in your own mind you can feel “familiar” with someone you’ve never met, just by the things they post online for the world to see.
Apart from times when I wished I could still access their website I haven’t really thought about this person a lot since then – we are strangers after all, leading totally separate and unrelated lives. But today, in my weird, dreamy “otherplace” mood, I suddenly felt compelled to Google their name – I have no idea why. I found their LJ site, which I knew existed but had forgotten about as it’s “friends only”. I now have an LJ page of my own, which I don’t use much these days, so I decided to leave a message, saying basically “hello” and a couple of other things.
I then left my computer and went to do some housework, feeling guilty about wasting so much time writing to someone who doesn’t even know me and doing nothing in particular with the morning. Emptying the dishwasher is not very mentally stimulating (derrrr!) and my mind tends to wander. I found myself wondering if I was “meant” to contact this person because maybe their young son is autistic. Talk about a random thought! I dismissed it as me just being weird. Then again, he does have very intelligent, gifted “geeky” parents (no offence intended – just thinking about my blog about “The Geek Syndrome”). He is also very gifted and he does have a certain “look” about him. Yes, I know, everyone says that autism/Aspergers doesn’t have a “look” and I guess it doesn’t really – but there is something, perhaps only evident in retrospect, about the eyes. The autie/aspie kids I’ve seen are all beautiful looking kids with large eyes and long thick eyelashes. My paediatrician once remarked on my sons’ long eyelashes and said that in his experience they tended to be associated with “allergic” children. Hmmm… a bit of a stretch but it all kinda makes sense.
Stuff it – forget about the dishwasher and go back to the computer say I to myself. I followed some links but didn’t turn up anything of consequence, but still had this nagging thought in the back of my mind – one of those little “intuitions” that I’m trying to train myself to pay more attention to, in an attempt to get better in touch with my spiritual/psychic side, yet at the same time discounting as “probably nothing”. Still, anything at all is a welcome distraction from housework so I continued my search for info, and finally found that this person was indeed interested in learning about ASD. Okaaaaay – a little TZM (Twilight Zone Moment) for me there – the plot thickens, so to speak. Further Googling finally revealed their son’s diagnosis of Mild Asperger’s Syndrome – like my boys – and the fact that it’s a very recent Dx, plus their use of the GFCF diet and other dietary/nutritional treatments to help him. Hmmm… Google is both wonderful and scary at the same time.
Okay, so I followed my “intuition” and it came up positive, or maybe “spirit” led me to this info – now what? What was the point of this exercise? Is it just another of those weird little TZMs that happen to me occasionally? Perhaps its a “message from the universe” – or wherever – to encourage me to follow these seemingly random thoughts more; validation that I do perhaps have more psychic ability than I give myself credit for? I wish I could help this person, or offer some sort of support or advice but it’s really none of my business. And in any case I’m not sure what use I’d be (sigh).
I sometimes wonder if I’m “meant” to be letting people know about the GFCF diet and its connection with Asperger’s and Autism, and other dietary effects on behaviour in general, as I seem to be meeting more and more people needing this info – they seem to find me somehow. Is this my “higher purpose” in life? …or some part of my karmic debt or whatever you want to call it? Or, maybe I’m just delusional, LOL.
My views on Asperger’s Syndrome are a little different to most other parents I’ve met, so I generally shut-up about that side of things. It’s hard to tell people that it’s not all bad and not sound ignorant or downright rude. After all, my boys and I are only mildly Aspie compared to others. What could I possibly know about what they’re “dealing” with, as they put it? But at the same time, I don’t think they are able to “see” the way their kids do – to really understand how it feels to be different and treated as such, and to have to pretend to be “normal” just to fit in and be accepted. A lot of aspies’ problems stem from the intolerance and lack of understanding shown by the neurotypical people around them – those who are supposedly NOT suffering from mind-blindness (yeah, right!). Try looking at Aspergers from the other side – the inside – and you’ll get a whole new perspective. You might begin to understand why so many aspie or high functioning autie kids get depressed and even suicidal (my own dear children included). The confusion and pressure to be something they’re not for the sake of being accepted (and acceptable) gets too much at times. The bullying by their peers, even by so-called “friends”; the sometimes unforgiving treatment in an education system that just doesn’t cater for their needs or their style of learning; unfair comments and chastisement from other people, including family members (eg. grandparents) who just don’t “get it” (in spite of having ASD explained to them) and continue to misinterpret the child’s (or even aspie adult’s) behaviour or verbal responses as rudeness, selfishness, willful misconduct etc where certainly none was intended; it all hurts deeply and it all takes its toll. We’re not “wrong”, we’re just different! Learn to embrace diversity! We have to, why can’t you?
Hmmm… this is turning into a “rant” – time to get off my soap-box. Damn daylight saving! I still feel weird, and its after midnight – a smart person would go to bed about now, LOL.