Five Poems for Jeffrey & Christopher

“Way back when” I wrote a poem for my nephew because I’d forgotten to send his birthday card on time. I wrote a couple more when I forgot later birthdays too, for him and his brother, so I thought I’d put them all here together. (By the way, the “Howards” mentioned in the first poem are other family members, nothing to do with any Aussie politicians, even though they just happen to be in Canberra also, lol.)

1. Jeffrey’s 12th Birthday (1997)

I know this card is kinda late,
(About three weeks) I’m sorry mate.
At least this year I bought a card,
I just found sending it rather hard.

About one week before the date
I bought the card, but had to wait
until the time was right to send it
and trust the postman would not bend it!

But lots of other things came up
including the Howards (without their pup!)
All the way from Canberra they came
and went to see a football game.

So with the preparation for their visit
I thought, “It’s not time yet to send it, is it?”
Unfortunately I missed the date
so for this gem of wisdom you’ve had to wait.

The next three weeks I just can’t explain.
With four kids the housework becomes a pain
and your poor old aunt just can’t remember
if it’s August or December!

So here I sit upon my dunny,
(Yeah, I know, you think that’s funny.)
and write to you these lines of prose
before my memory finally goes!

I hope you had a happy day
and had lots of goodies sent your way.
Once again I do regret
this card to you took so long to get.

So just remember when you’re almost forty,
and the old mind and body ain’t so sporty,
how your poor old aunty might have felt.
(Not to mention how she smelt!!)


(Poem written 2/09/1997)
Copyright © 1997-2012 Jenwytch

2. Christopher’s 14th (1997)

You think you’ll get a poem too?
Well nephew, I’ve got news for you!
This little verse, it is the best
I can come up with — I do not jest!

(Poem written 20/11/1997)
Copyright © 1997-2012 Jenwytch

3. Jeffrey’s 13th Birthday (1998)

I know I set a precedent by sending poetry last year,
And once again I’ve left it late to send you birthday cheer.
For this I again apologise, I haven’t any excuse,
except the rather worn out tale of “old age” to be my ruse.
As before, I bought the card but then forgot to send it.
It got lost in papers filed up high so Brendan wouldn’t bend it.
He’s a cunning little fellow who gets into everything
so I have to pack things all away when Brendy’s on the wing.
He has many arms, like an octopus, and he moves with lightning speed.
“Pack it away or lose it!” is the warning one must heed.
So Happy Thirteenth Birthday, you’re officially a teen.
And now you know the tale behind just where this card has been.

(Poem written 31/08/1998)
Copyright © 1998-2012 Jenwytch

4. Christopher’s 15th Birthday (1998)

Oh, Greetings nephew of mine
For this card dost thou pine?
‘Tis late yet again
so, stuff poor old Jen,
she’s prob’ly just had too much wine!

You think that limmerick was bad?
Well that just makes me mad.
I’ve run out of ideas
after all of these years,
My best poems have already been had.

You think that’s a really bad verse?
Just wait, it can only get worse!
If I try very hard
I can fill up this card
with lines that are truly perverse.

But today I’m not that way inclined
so I’ll send you some words more kind.
With your birthday gone past,
and school too (what a blast!!!)
Take the time to relax and unwind.


(Poem written 19/12/1998)
Copyright © 1998-2012 Jenwytch

5. Jeffrey’s 15th Birthday (2000)

Dear Jeffrey,

I’ve done it again – it’s becoming a habit.
Your birthday in August – you just shouldn’t have it!
I try to remember, but find it too hard
to remember to buy you a nice birthday card.

Excuses, excuses – you’ve NOT heard them all
for dear Brendy’s leg got broke’ in a fall.
A certain big brother, who likes to take chances,
picked Brendy up, then sort of did dances.

On the tiled floor his be-socked feet did slip.
He was lucky not to fracture his very own hip.
Instead he did fall on his poor little brother
a shame it was that way and not ’round the other!

So Brendy is stuck in a fibreglass cast.
Two weeks of the four have already passed.
He’s a good little fellow and doesn’t complain.
He seems happy enough and no longer in pain.

Big brother is sorry – he was only having fun,
but now knows “in houses you don’t ever run!”
a lesson we thought he had already known,
especially in light of how old he has grown.

So that’s my excuse, this Olympic year,
an original story to bend your ear.
Lets hope I remember in two thousand and one.
In the meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY – relax and have fun!

(Poem written 29/08/2000)
Copyright © 2000-2012 Jenwytch


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