A Very Choice 50th

This poem was written for my friend and neighbour (unfortunately she has since moved away from the area) for her 50th birthday on 31 December 2000 – the true end of the millenium, as she also acknowledged. At the time she was also CEO of Choice Magazine, hence the references to Choice and “rating” her like one of their test products. 🙂 She loved the poem and thought it was hilarious. 😀 The first part is borrowed from my 1998 birthday poems, but nobody else needs to know that …shhhhh! 😉

Louise’s 50th (31st December 2000)

To Louise,

I went to find a birthday card
to send you birthday cheer,
then chose this one with nothing inside
after searching far and near.

I looked at lots of other cards,
yes, many I have read.
But they’re mostly full of insults
and nasty things instead.

Of fat and bags and wrinkles,
not to mention cellulite,
and decay and retardation
many “Fifty” cards do write.

Plus shrinking brains, arthritic pains
and the sagging effects of gravity.
Yet more I’ve read do sink instead
to lines of pure depravity.

Although they’re mostly funny
with their sarcastic sort of wit
when you read them over and over again
they wear thin just a little bit.

So I sought to find a card more kind
to convey the appropriate sentiment.
And as this one’s blank you can plainly see
there was certainly no sarcasm evident.

I felt I had to write a poem
inside this card for you.
Cause fifty’s rather special
(more than twelve or twenty-two).

But trying to think of what to write
became a little hard.
So Peter tried to write some lines
but let’s face it, he’s no bard.

Then Peter had a good idea
to which he did give voice.
Why not rate you as a neighbour,
just like they do in Choice?

With all the features to compare
we tried for an Overall Score
then decided to be more general
as percentages were a chore.

In Brief we considered many things
like What to look for in a neighbour.
Your Profile of GoodPoints versus BadPoints
was mostly in your favour.

Your good points they are many,
like “friendly”, “warm” and” generous”.
This last trait we appreciate
with all the good wines you’ve given us.

You’re also very reliable
as when we go away
we know you’ll keep our plants alive
and likewise we’ll repay.

The only bad point we could find
was in regard to noise.
But we fall short on that score too
with our four hyperactive boys!

Good neighbours should be very quiet
when they are at their house.
You score top marks on this account;
you’re as quiet as any mouse.

But you make more noise when you’re away
than when you are at home.
“How’s this?”, you ask – it’s that damned alarm,
it goes off on its own!

Please don’t take offence at this
and think we are complaining.
It’s a good chance to have a stir
as from jokes there’s no refraining.

The alarm is just a small annoyance,
a tiny price to pay
for having a neighbour nice as you
to brighten up our day!

So Happy Fiftieth Birthday
here at the millenium’s end.
It’s good luck and very best wishes
to you that we do send.

(Poem written 30/12/2000)
Copyright © 2000-2012 Jenwytch


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